06 April, 2010

Poetry Collection 1



You,,

You're right. I am wrong, and about a great many things. But will you offer me your pride? your malignity shows no pride for any of my accomplishments. Had you an ounce of fervor for my being, I may not yet feel a stranger in my own house. It is only commonplace to besmirch any thought I may possess. I love you. I appreciate you. I care about you. Have you the same feelings for me?

                                                                                             always,
                                                                                             your loving son

I find monsters above the ceiling fan, in the paint. I see demons crawling in the texture, I feel them as my hand glides across the walls.

No balustrade can contain my emotional fury.

Waking up from a dream is a strange thing. I have only notions of self-worth and simple mindsets of generosity produced to enthrall you. When you see these, they're wiped from the table, obliterated from view by your narrow light.
I connect with you on few levels. You shun my face from any sort of optimal value. I am only your son, incapable of surpassing you, such a giant in the wake of men. I cannot even comprehend how holy thou art.
Your comments are poignant, so stinging to my face, to my reflection in the mirror.
I cannot live in this capricious atmosphere.

So many patterns on the wall/
Which one to see?
I see that you are tall/
How strange that I am free...

I am clinically and dexterously insane.

Awhile is where I will be,
so entrenched in the work of my would-be forefathers.
Awhile is how I will view
our relationship, removed from the forefront of my mind.
Awhile is when I will come
back to come see the fruits of my labour.

Don't you see what you've become?
Don't you realize that I hate what you love?
You have an explanation, don't you?
That explanation has no meaning for me. I don't care about your cars, I don't care about your house, I don't care about your gods, I don't care about your job, I don't care about anything at all, but your love for me. Let me be your son.

Let me inside your house. Let me at your table, so mighty and feastly in scale.
I am that empty chair beside you. I am what's missing in the back of your mind.
My appearance is lowly to your eyes, but how I want to be apart of the family.
Look at all my works of art and marvel at them. Read all of my poems and manuscripts with awe and amaze at my ability to adapt to such strange and conflicting occurrences in life. Give me a chance.
I see imminent squids.
You see water in the hills of my eyes.
I pluck the strings, you sing the harmonies.
I snip with some scissors.
And you light up my eyes with fantastic brilliance.
My ears hear no fonder sounds than the utterings of your soft lips.

We roll over mountains, fly through the skies, swish the water in our mouths, and sink to the bottom of the darkest seas. All of this is done with you.
We creep through the most blinding deserts, the most harsh sand, sweeping through our faces.
We brave the tallest trees, escort ourselves through the wildest jungles. We conquer the earth. Giving to all, blessing each other, we take the world.
I reach in my pocket and pull out a trinket of some small intrinsic value. You know what it means, and your face brightens up in the light, but my hand stays firmly outright. The trees sway so wildly behind us, as does your hair: it envelops me, with strands singing to the wind. I blink slowly, hoping not to offend. You cannot blink, stood fast in awe and shock. Slowly, I bow before you, and our life flashes in my mind's eye: everything we have gained, lost, accomplished. This is why I must. I feel my body radiate with this tingling sensation. My arms clinch from this, my legs are ready to spring, my chest burns from this connection. I look up at you, and your smile, as it always does, comforts me to no end. There can be no finish for this, what we have.
 
I'll never be the same after this.
Nothing will ever amount to anything.
I've done so many things I've done so many things I've done so many things I've done so many things I've done so many things I've done so many things I've done so many things I've done so many things I've done so many things I've done so many things I've done so many things I've done so many things I've done so many things I've done so many things I've done so many things I've done so many things I've done so many things I've done so many things I've done so many things I've done so many things I've done so many things I've done so many things I've done so many things I've done so many things I've done so many things I've done so many things I've done so many things I've done so many things I've done so many things I've done so many things I've done so many things I've done so many things I've done so many things I've done so many things I've done so many things I've done so many things I've done so many things I've done so many things I've done so many things I've done so many things I've done so many things I've done so many things I've done so many things I've done so many things I've done so many things I've done so many things I've done so many things I've done so many things I've done so many things I've done so many things I've done so many things I've done so many things I've done so many things I've done so many things I've done so many things I've done so many things I've done so many things I've done so many things I've done so many things I've done so many things I've done so many things I've done so many things I've done so many things I've done so many things I've done so many things I've done so many things I've done so many things I've done so many things I've done so many things I've done so many things I've done so many things I've done so many evil things I've done so many horrible things I've done so many deathly things I've done so many things.


I always have this urge to apologize for holding the human race back. I strive to live for the better of man, but most of my time goes to ill. Save me from myself.
Sometimes I really do think I am alone. I feel like no one is real; nothing is substantial enough to supplicate my mind. It seems like only my brain would conjure up this mess of a place, so full of disorder and random failures. Loneliness follows from this premise, and I am constantly wanting a place for me, myself, to go to somehow find some solace. I feel many times more at peace when in the dead silence of crickets and asterisms than in the camaraderie of my fellows. I feel like there should be something that I should be doing to progress myself. After all, I am just as much responsible as you for promoting this human race of ours. However, I lack the very motivation that brings to light the most important qualities for greatness. I am nothing. I am thinking. I am nothing. I might be something. I might be nothing. I think. I think. Yes, I think.
So, you might be wondering where this is going, right? It's going straight into my brain, piercing my cortex, churning within my frontal lobe. It's going to someplace I don't want, but can't avoid. The Stranger is me. I am him. We are one in the same. I feel estranged from most everything and everyone I come into contact with. This increases so much so that I feel as much like a cloud in the sky, so bereft of human contact, as a homo sapiens sapiens ("knowing, knowing man"). The point is, I'm not like you, most likely, unless you share with me these feelings of obstruction and abstract alienation. So, maybe next time I don't answer my phone because I'm walking through the woods on a moonless night, desperately searching for myself, you might understand.
I'd rather have bugs in my eyes, crawling, writhing, spitting, clicking, biting, gnashing, stinging, ringing than you in my life.
So leave. Die. Burn. Blow your brains out for all I care.
You've nothing to hide, nothing to lose, nothing to gain.




I can't do this anymore... I'm wasting away.
 
Is there no supplication for this life?
Some logos that is real, tangible for feeling?

Somewhere under the stars, or more likely, within them, there is something that will not be so contrived, so conceived, so thought-upon.
The question is: will I be demoted? or shall I attain transcendence?


  • you can’t sleep enough or you sleep too much  
  • you can’t concentrate or find that previously easy tasks are now difficult
  • you feel worthless and hopeless
  • you can’t control your negative thoughts, no matter how much you try
  • you have lost your appetite or you can’t stop eating
  • you are constantly irritated or become enraged even at small things – and
    this is new for you 
Su vida es la basura.

I'm a plain piece of shit- nothing to see here.
Play with words, play with hearts, play with balls-
I have a headache tonight-

I feel especially lonesome tonight.
Maybe it's due to the fact that I am unhealthy in mind and physique-
Maybe it's because I am a selfish consumer.
Maybe it's because material things cannot appease me-
Maybe it's because I haven't been thinking of the whole of humanity.
Maybe it's because the sky is blue.
Maybe it's because I am here.

Or- maybe- it's because I miss you.

Beating, floating, pounding, booming, zooming, glooming, pissing, fucking, stinking, clucking, bucking me off of my horse.

And yet, without sympathy, I tread this earthen highway. I don't staple my hands behind me, and I don't take repercussions lightly.
Realization is everything.

I am regrettably unable to come up with some new form of thinking as of yet in my life, and I am invariably unable to control this world. But I will make something out of this- I will.

I am an empiricist at heart, and this life is what thrives me, what strives me for more- perhaps there I will find something. 

29 November, 2009

Their Own Interests

In response to "A Defiant Iran Details Plan for 10 Enrichment Plants" by David E. Sanger and William J. Broad of The New York Times: Sunday, 29 November.


Each group of persons, collectively, look out for their own interests. As a nation, we do this extraordinarily well. Through the years, we've looked out for our own interests by investing our time throughout the world, developing business and trade (sometimes exploiting others) and forcing ourselves into territories which may not want our presence there. By looking out for our interests, primarily our love of oil, we've been in war after war after war.
That being said, when Iran wants to look out for its own interests, which happen to conflict with ours, we put up the defense. We condemn Iran's want for nuclear energy because we are afraid that they would use it against us. Buy why? Would they use it because we've somehow exploited the Iranian government in the past? Do they want nuclear energy simply to better the placement of their nation upon the prolific scale of nations which we place ourselves at the top?
My point is that we should worry about how others in the international community view our actions. So Iran wants nuclear weapons. We monitor the situation, we don't make harsh accusations, we don't anger them. We won't always be #1, although many will be saddened to realize this truth. The United States should maintain a status of humility, humble in its dealings with other nations and people. Perhaps then we may realize a time of supposed international favour.

22 November, 2009

Voting on Party Lines

In response to "Democrats Focus on U.S. Senators from Maine" by Carl Hulse of The New York Times: Sunday, 22 November.

We all know the Democrats are mustering their legislative strength in the Senate to pass a health-care reform bill. What we also know is that the Republican party is seemingly unwilling to enter into a debate of the proposed legislation, voting along party lines with each proposed bill. And now the Democratic party is reaching out to Senators Olympia Snow and Susan Collins, Republicans, to help gather the needed votes in the Senate to pass any bill produced.
We all know of these events, but what we sometimes fail to realize is the partisan Congress which we've created. Congress is supposed to be representative of the people, of us, but how often it is that our elected policy makers cannot come to a specified compromise. Is this legitimate truth of un-compromise representative of the American public? Well, we did vote Congress into office...
The public should be more wary of voting along partisan lines so effortlessly and conveniently. Political parties should be seen as a detractor to passing legislation and as such should be limited in their scope to avoid such misgivings to the American people as we see in the Senate and the House. No, not everyone will agree all of the time, especially in terms of politics, but we need to realize what impact a simple vote of "Republican" or "Democrat" will have on our governmental system. Instead of voting for a party, we should vote on the issues, what is of more importance.
Let's not vote along party lines.

29 October, 2009

Wait a second... I thought drugs were bad...

In response to "Brother of Afghan Leader Said to be Paid by C.I.A." by Dexter Flinkings, Mark Mazzetti, and James Risen of The New York Times: Wednesday, 27 October.

President Hamid Karzai's brother, Ahmed Wali Karzai, is accused of being paid by the Central Intelligence Agency. The services for which he is paid include helping to recruit an Afghan paramilitary force, called the Kandahar Strike Force, around Kandahar, where Ahmed Karzai resides. Normally, this kind of information would not be surprising or in any way regrettable, as we are in a war in Afghanistan: their leaders obviously need protection.
What is surprising is the presumption that Ahmed Wali Karzai is a major proponent of the lucrative opium trade which supports the Afghan economy. Chances are, we are reminded, he is benefitting from the largest opium trade system in the world. And that's not to mention that we know that the Taliban also generates a majority of its wealth from the opium trade. Karzai is seen as a direct connection with the Taliban, especially when it comes to More importantly, to remember the C.I.A.'s involvement in the Middle-East and abroad during the mid-twentieth century is to realize that our government's intent in Afghanistan may not be what we suspect or want.
To support those who are generating this drug trafficking in Afghanistan, is to support the degeneration and disunity within the country. How can we ever hope to complete the goal of a "free", "united" Afghanistan if the C.I.A., a source of "behind-the-scenes" policy execution, links itself with the supposed enemy? Not all the details of this situation are certain, but the American people have a right to know what their government is up to abroad: if it is working in the interests of its citizens, or if it yet again creates a double-standard with hypocritical behavior. We need to be aware of the whole perspective.

25 October, 2009

CAPITALISM

In response to "Talking Business- Short Memories At Goldman" by Joe Nocera of the New York Times: Saturday, 24 October.


Nearly half of Goldman Sachs' revenue has been used for bonuses?! $16 billion: that's incredible, especially, Nocera notes, with the fourth quarter yet to go!
The government has proved that it will not let these institutions fail. These institutions, no longer in private hands alone (as Goldman once was), are now publicly traded: they affect our financial system. Instances like this, with these excessively EXCESSIVE "compensations" for executives, need to be reviewed with more caution. Sure, the recession is "over," but do we really want to give more power to these companies by letting them take advantage of the help our government has given them? Our government bailed them out with our tax money, and there are still examples of these extravagant bonuses... Apparently, they forgot that they should be subservient to us. Or should they?
We need to be more mindful of who is in control in our society. Do we have the power to chose how our economy operates, how it serves our well-being? Should we have that power? Or should a group of financial institutions whose stated goal is to solely make money? These are serious questions that the American people need to answer if policy-makers are ever going to alleviate these problems.
The Fed wants to eliminate these bonuses and replace them with rewards more conscious of long-term profit. For the American people, this is a good solution. What better way to promote economic growth and stability than to promote it over the long-term?
We need to take control of our government, economy, and our society in general if we ever hope to become prosperous once more as a nation.

11 October, 2009

The "Shameless Argument"

In response to "Two Wrongs Make Another Fiasco" by Frank Rich of the New York Times: Sunday, 11 October.


We need to realize what the wars in the Middle-East are for. Are they on par with the American people's values and beliefs? Do they represent our worldview? The more I ask myself these questions, the more I doubt the success and reasons for them.
The 640,000 troop level suggested by General Patraeus is outrageous! Not only would we be fueling a wild goose chase of a war, scouring the whole of the Middle-East for a threat that never was. The mere fact that intelligence officials state that "there are few, if any, links between Taliban commanders in Afghanistan today and senior Al Qaeda members" tells me that we need to reevaluate where we're going in this war. Are we really going to let ourselves be drawn into another irrelevant conflict by proponents of unsuccessful war?
These conflicts just go from one country to the next. First, Afghanistan, then Iraq, next Afghanistan again- next, Iran or Pakistan, then Somalia or Yemen- it seems to never end.
Rich makes a good point when he remembers that the goal, the victory, of the war is "left vaguely defined." And he states that the American people realize this, that there may be some sleight of hand here. This second chance can be achieved if we look past the rhetoric of those who urge for war in order to alleviate "Armageddon," if we take a good hard critical look at what we've done in the Middle-East and work to right our policy in our current situation.

04 October, 2009

To whom it may concern- everyone.

In Response to "Cracks in the Future" by Bob Herbert of the New York Times: Saturday, 4 October.


For me, college is important. Education is important to us all; without it, how else are we to make well-informed judgments in our lives and sustain our future and that of our successors? The budget cuts from Berkeley (and those of the other UCs and college system in general) show the lack of interest for available education for those of... not-so-well-off individuals. As a future UC student, I see these occurences frightening at best. They are a reflection of our state's inability to discern what the basic needs of its residents are.
If Berkeley, one of the nation's most prestigious universities, is unable to stay properly funtional in this time of financial insecurity and governmental inability, then how stable are the rest of our nation's resources? I believe it is time for our government, and its citizens, to realize what it's doing to the sustainability of our nation. Without proper education, the United States will only slip further into cultural and economic backwardness. Our elected officials need to realize the vital importance of our public universities: they offer vast opportunities to those who deserve, but would normally be unable to attain such advancement.
Countless go through hardships due to a lack of education. California, the United States, and the world for that matter, now, more than ever, need the opportunities given out by education and these universities. If they fail, it will leave us in declination.